Coping with Coronavirus by Brendan Kelly

Author:Brendan Kelly [Kelly, Brendan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Melville House
Published: 2020-04-28T00:00:00+00:00

DON’T FORGET THAT EMOTIONS CAN DISGUISE THEMSELVES AS BEHAVIOURS OR FACTS – AND CAN THEREFORE MISLEAD US

The problem with much of the advice about managing our emotions is that our emotions do not always present themselves as emotions. Often, they manifest as behaviours that we poorly understand (even in ourselves), ‘facts’ that upset us (and likely are not true) or a general sense of confusion about what is going on (and how we are feeling). This is especially true when someone is diagnosed as ill or is asked to do something that suggests that, while they are not yet ill, they might soon be (e.g. self-isolation or limited social interaction). These situations feel midway between wellness and illness. You are well, but you are being treated as if you are ill. So, how, exactly, are you supposed to feel? Well or ill?

The first step in dealing with these peculiar and distressing situations is to recognise that we can have several conflicting emotions at the same time or in quick succession. The rules of logic apply loosely, if at all. Much of what we feel might not make sense, at least at first glance. Recognising this is important. We like to think that our emotions and inner lives have a certain reason to them, but sometimes we need to acknowledge the existence of a tangle of emotions that we simply cannot figure out. There they are. So be it.

The second step in this situation is to practise simply sitting with uncomfortable emotional states – tolerating distress without trying to understand it fully. An activity like meditation helps greatly with this. To try this, find a quiet spot where you are unlikely to be disturbed. You will never find a place that is entirely secluded but do try to find one that minimises disturbances and distractions. Having calmed your body gently and centred your thoughts in the moment, focus on your breath. To begin, silently count ten breaths on the in-breath. Then count ten breaths on the out-breath. Then count ten breaths on the turning of the breath. And then start again.

As you try to do this, a variety of thoughts will inevitably enter your head. Emotions will come to the surface and you will get distracted. The work of meditation lies in observing these thoughts, emotions and distractions but not engaging with them. So, try not to explore these distractions in your head. Simply try to sit with them and observe how quickly such passing thoughts and emotions disappear once we deny them the oxygen of our attention.

This is not easy to achieve, so do not be dismayed if you get distracted. Simply try again. Commit to trying this for ten minutes. Do not berate yourself each time you get distracted. Practise self-compassion. Gently direct your thoughts back to your breathing. This is a skill that takes time. If it does not work out today, try again tomorrow. If it does not work out tomorrow, try the next day. And so on.

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